* Snort ! HAHAHAHA !(:

Yesterday was Friday. I was supposed to go on a beach trip for drill team, but me & Jann woke up too late to even make it. Haha. CRAP. There's like two more though, so it's all gooodie.(: When we woke up, my sister made us lunch while we got ready to go out.
The CERRITOS BOYS were coming to GLENDALE ! ;D Haha. The original plan was for us all to just chill at Ading Diana's house, but there was nothing to do there, so we told those niggas to take it to the mall. At fuckin' like 4, They finally found the mall, and we had to go get them by RedRobin. So Me, Diana, Mary, Janelle, Jann, Jenny &Mary were all like ASDFGHJKL;. Haha. Mary and Janelle had butterflies(: Awws. Well those niggas came in the mall like they owned the place, haha. But it was cuuute. Kyle told us he got a ticket :/ Aw. But I gave him a dollar to help pay for it. Him and Ading Mary are hella cuuuute btw! So us girls, plus Kyle, Kent, Gage, Matt &Terry were walking around. They were all silent for some reason. Haha, I don't know. After a while I introduced myself to break the ice and we all got loose after a while(: We went to in n out to eat, cause they said they had no in n out at Cerritos. Hahah, sucks! We eat in n out like every fuckin week. Anyways, we went to the Arcade in the Americana cause K YLE couldn't decide if he wanted to watch a movie or not. -___- After ten years of me begging Kyle, he still wouldn't give a straight answer. So I just walked to the other movie theater with Janelle, Matt, Terry, Kent &Gage and we went to watch a movie. Janelle, Matt, Kent &Gage snuck into WANTED and I had to watch Hancock with Terry cause he already saw WANTED. Hancock was cuuute man(: Terry cried like 3 times. Lmao! They left at almost ten tho :/ Suuuucks. But I had fun with those nigggas<3

Crrraaaaaaccccccccccin .

Yesterday I met Boogie Bots(: Ahahahahah ! Joesar & Miguel are my baby's<3 Wooooo ! Arena was crackin tooo . Shit went down when she least expected it . Keep talkin' nigga , you know you got fucked up cause it was 3 on 1 , stuuuuuuupid shit ! (;


Everyone makes me mad . I hate life . I hate everyone in my life , 'cept the ones who MEAN WHAT THEY SAY . Ugh . I need a baby panda .. :/ LMAO .

I've hit rock bottom, & there's nowhere to go from here, but UP.

I'm feeling a little better than I was yesterday. Just tryna catch whatever life throws at me. Little by little I'm recovering. Sorry to say I let a few people down with the decisions I made of how to deal with this. :/ Ugh. I'll learn from the scars it leaves me.. Anyways, I hope today is a really good day. I'm back to the same person I was 3 years ago. Guard UP HIGH, sensitive, &easy to break. I need my strength. I hate being looked at as weak. But what can I do? I'll try to make this situation as positive as I can. Pessimist? Temporarily.

I've lost myself

Today was probably THEE worst day I've had my whole summer. No, this whole year, actually. I don't know what it is. I guess it's cause this morning I was in such a great mood ( and I'm not usually in GREAT moods) that when ONE FUCKING PERSON ruins it, I'm like wtf! -__- It's always so negative to say, but I honestly and completely hate my fucking life right now. I'm almost at the stage of depression. I just want to keep crying and crying. The whole day I've done nothing but fucking cry. Thanks to those who cared enough to talk to me, try to cheer me up or even ask what was wrong. And I'm sorry for ignoring you. But now is just not the time. I don't know how to explain this. It's like.. I feel like I've lost everything. I've lost my sanity, my patience, my strength, my boyfriend, my mind. Amongst all that, I've just completely lost myself. I don't know anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm not the suicidal psycho kind of girl, but I'm losing it right now. I hate this feeling. It's like I want to be alone, but at the same time I want someone here. It's like I want to grow the fuck up and get over it, but at the same time I just want to cry. It's like I want to die right fucking now, but at the same time I want to be with my close loved ones. I don't know what's wrong. At this point, I feel like I've hit rock bottom. And there's nowhere to go but up.

Hmph :/

Lately I've been down. Hella down. And not the type of down like " to be widdd it . " The type of down like sad :/ I know I've been really busy the past few weeks &I'm imfamous for my not being able to keep up with things under pressure. I have very few breaking points in my life, because I'm usually the one who gives strength. Now I think I've given too much, I don't have enough left for myself. There hasn't been much time on my hands lately because of practices, beach trips, babysitting, etc. &After all that shit I'm usually too tired to do anything else. I haven't even really hung out with my boyfriend in the longest. Nor have I hung out with friends. Sadly, I haven't even hung out with my family and I live with them. Shiiiit, I barely have any time to breathe. It fucking sucks, but I'm not gonna quit just like that.
I'm just taking it day by day hoping that things will get better. I hope I can hang out with everyone on the regular like I used to. I hope I'll have enough energy in me to even have fun. But I guess I've hit another overextension point on Friday. Because the tears just kept flowing and flowing. Bad enough, it was in public. And I NEVER cried in public before. That's when you know something's wrong with me :/
There's nobody who fucking understands what the fuck is going on. My comfort zone is no longer what it used to be; sadly. I just need one fucking person to care, to understand, to make me feel like everything's going to be okay. I used to have that in a few people. Now it's down to zero.
I'm holding it all in, but I don't know how much longer it'll take till I fucking BREAK.
I just feel like crying forever and ever until there's no more tears left to fall. That fucking sucks dude. Seriously. I fake a smile every now and then. Little does anyone know about anything. STRESSSED.

My Everything <3

This is My Boyfriend Kristopher Allen Maun<3>
I just love you so much babe(: Nobody can ever come close to my feelings for him . I'm not even gonna explain , but I love you so much , I just had to post a blog about you babe(: I love you babyyy<3

Club Arena ; 070908

Wow , thursday night was my first time clubbin & lemme be the first to tell you that shit was crackin ! I went through hell with my daddy to get him to let his babydaughter go(: lmao , but i came through wid it like always . i got ready at chi's house , with jann & janelle . they taught me how to put on makeup cause it was my first time . shit , im sorry i ain't a coolgirl cause i don't know how to put on makeup . it was alright , but i rather not have anything on my faceee . i like it oh naturale(; lol . anyways , we waited for nigggie patrick to get the fuck downstairs so we could get the party started , but we had to make another pit stop to pick up ateh jessica at work . blah blah yada yada . then we went to icy's house , met up with the rest of 'em , waited till the others got ready ( who knew the niggas took longer than we did ! ) and then headed for santa monica & las palmas . the line was hella long but it went by with a quickkness . we got the hookups for tickets , so it was freee & no id needed(: i saw everyone from around the world there tho ! foreals . i saw cerritos people , riverside people , long beach people , etc . like damn . too lazy to tell the rest . one nasty thing tho , some foo got hard on me . nasty . lmao . & jann got a grip of guys on her clit(; lmao . k bye !

Girlfriend Sleepover

I was having a really bad night on Saturday night :/ I got into a little PREDICAMENT with my boyfriend ( long ass story ). So I kicked him out of my house and I didn't talk to him for the rest of the day. I know, I'm a mean ass girlfriend, huh? I'm never like that, I don't know why I was so mean. But at the moment, everything's all goodie(: Anyways, so I called Jann & Janelle and asked them to make plans with me even though it was already 8:00 p.m. I just wanted to get out of the house to get my mind off Kris. We talked on the phone for like an hour tryna figure out what to do. Janelle wanted to go ice skating with NiggiePatrick and Jann wanted me to sleepover. BUT NiggiePatrick had a car meet to go to and Jann wasn't going to be home from Oxnard until 10:00. I just decided to sleep over at Jann's house because I wouldn't have a ride to go ice skating with Janelle anyways.
I'm like calling my dad from fuckin' 8:00 to 10:00 pm, BLOWING UP his gahdayum phone and he wouldn't answer. I got t'd off, so I asked my mom if it was alright that I slept at Jann's houseey. Guess what Mommie said? "Go ask your Dad." -_____- Gaaaaysaucee. Finally, my dad came home from a party in Fontana and I asked him for permission. He said YESSS, surprisingly! :D Then I called Jann screaming because it's not a normal thing for my parents to allow me to spend the night at other peoples' houses, yknow? I started packing all this shit into a hugeee bag, even though I was only sleeping there one night. Haha. Janelle didn't end up coming thru to sleepover though, so it was a Girlfriend sleepover(:<3 Jann came and picked me up at 10:30ish and my dad had to talk to her mom, yadayada -__-
(Keep in mind, I STILL haven't talked to my boyfriend up to this point). We rented DVD's and bought chips, fruit & juice to make some bomb ass smoothies on account of the hot ass weather. Then we rolled up to Jann's pad, changed, made the beds, made the smoothies, and started the first DVD; The Eye. Daaaaaaaaaaaang, that was scary. Hahaha I screamed so many damn times! Shitttt. But we got to see Jessica Alba in the showaaaa(; Haha. So like, Iyexyed my boyfriend after the movie was over and I told him I was sorry & yadayada. He said I made him really sad but he forgave me(: Then he fell asleep on the phone while me<3 and Jann watched the second movie; Knocked Up. That movie was fucking hilarious though. AHAHAHA. Too many good parts to mention!
Jann & I wanted to be rebels for some stupid ass reason -__- So I got my camera and we ran outside ( # something in tha A.M. ) and we were gona pee on her neighbor's grass. LMFAO, righttt? Whatthefuck, I don't even know >< When we ran out the driveway, there was some cholos posted out there & they scared the fuck outta me, so I ran away and left Jann there, haha!
The only thing I got on video was darkness and me whispering. Lol. After this stupid shit, we just went to pee in the bathroom like regulars and then we fell asleep to cartoons.
Hmm, the next morning, we woke up at like 10ish and cooked and ate breakfast while watching MADE. Then Jann's Kuya Justin was coming over and we were still in our jammies, so we took a shower, watched Hairspray and then left to go get Pinkberry at the Americana.
We got a fruit something shaved ice which was pretty good at first, but then the 3 of us shared, so it was like eating each others' saliva. Haha. So I stopped eating it. Then we came across NiggiePatrick & Chi. We kicked it with them for a while. Like an hour or two later, Jann and I had to go to church, so we ran cause we were late. We were texting in church & forreals I feel bad about that ><>> * NEXT BLOG ! *

-- pictures up later .

Father's Day Weekend(:

Saturday afternoon was the bomb diggity, cause I hella missed my family &I finally got time to spend with them. Although the food was whiggity whack for once EVERRR, we all took shots of whatever the f#$*! that stuff was(: Haha. I guess it was alright getting fucked up with my family, no worries of getting in trouble, yknow?

We all hella took pictures for the randomest shit in the world, as simple as a bottle of alcohol. I don't know, I guess we all do the same thaaaang.

For my first post, this ain't so thorough, but I'll be writing a hella lot more if I feeel.