I've lost myself

Today was probably THEE worst day I've had my whole summer. No, this whole year, actually. I don't know what it is. I guess it's cause this morning I was in such a great mood ( and I'm not usually in GREAT moods) that when ONE FUCKING PERSON ruins it, I'm like wtf! -__- It's always so negative to say, but I honestly and completely hate my fucking life right now. I'm almost at the stage of depression. I just want to keep crying and crying. The whole day I've done nothing but fucking cry. Thanks to those who cared enough to talk to me, try to cheer me up or even ask what was wrong. And I'm sorry for ignoring you. But now is just not the time. I don't know how to explain this. It's like.. I feel like I've lost everything. I've lost my sanity, my patience, my strength, my boyfriend, my mind. Amongst all that, I've just completely lost myself. I don't know anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm not the suicidal psycho kind of girl, but I'm losing it right now. I hate this feeling. It's like I want to be alone, but at the same time I want someone here. It's like I want to grow the fuck up and get over it, but at the same time I just want to cry. It's like I want to die right fucking now, but at the same time I want to be with my close loved ones. I don't know what's wrong. At this point, I feel like I've hit rock bottom. And there's nowhere to go but up.